Just For Laughs...Pilot Humor

That is funny…

What happened to “Looking for Traffic!”

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While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, Screaming:

“US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s
difficult for you to tell the difference between C’ and D’, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You
got that, US Air 2771?”

“Yes ma’am,” the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

http://www.humor-land.com/files/picture/53344285.jpg

Stealth aircraft!

Say again…

Questions via the radio should not always be answered exactly.

Tower: Aircraft in holding pattern, say fuelstate?

Aircraft: Fuelstate

Tower: Say again?

Aircraft: Again…

Best posting yet, JHEM!

ATC: United 393, turn left 270 for noise abatement.
UAL 393: Noise abatement? We’re at 33,000 feet!
ATC: United 393, have you ever heard the noise of a DC-10 hitting a Boeing 727?

Thanks Dave, you’ll appreciate this also as you’re apparently one of the few here that can actually read!

Size DOES Matter!

Shortly after landing at a big international airport in his Cessna 150, our hero strolls into the busy airport cafeteria for a bite to eat. He finds an empty table by the window to keep an eye on the airport comings and goings. Shortly thereafter, a striking woman walks up and asks to share his table. Naturally, he invites her to sit down.

After several minutes of small talk, the woman asks if he is a pilot. He responds, “Why, yes. Yes I am – I fly a C-150.” Knowing next to nothing about airplanes, she asks him what a C-150 is. The pilot looks out the window and spots a C-130 Hercules taxing out for takeoff.

Pointing to it, he tells his companion, “See that plane over there? That is a C-130. I fly a C-150!”

1 Like

I have this one as well, my caption is “Memories From Take Your Kid to Work Day”

[quote=“eabe1”]

That beats cfi’s letter any day!

Just because dami is a slacker, as is JHEM and cfijames now…

See http://discussions.flightaware.com//viewtopic.php?t=654&highlight=joke

Pika, I was thinking the same thing…
Not only have these jokes been told on FA before, but the entire “original” discussion was taken directly off an earlier discussion on airliners.net, and who knows where else before that. I do love *The Far Side *cartoons!!

…I too have the image of the kid outside the 737 cockpit saved. It’s one of my favorite pics!!

Apart from the obvious ribald connotations associated with a young child dangling from a jet, what I love is how that picture shows how jokes change over time. That picture started out as a faked shot of the kid on a car infront of a malfuctioning “Your speed is…” sign. At some point the image was enhanced using Adobe Photoshop software*, placing the kid onto the jet window.

(the earlier version can be viewed at MANY places, but Here is one.

*Text changed to comply with Adobe Systems trademark use policy

It works much better outside the plane than outside the car! Whoever changed it, using whatever software, did a fantastic job. I thought maybe the picture was taken while the kid was outside of a simulator.

I fail to see anything “ribald” about the photo of the child.

Is that what you really meant to write?

That one with the child on the window looks pretty realistic…what about the wind affecting the child’s clothing and hair though…there’s alot of wind even when you’re on your short-final approach speed :laughing:

In the movie Top-Gun, the pilots are all in pre-breifing and watching a film of modern day dog-fighting, Wolfman turns to Hollywood and says, “This gives me a hard-on.”

Perhaps seeing a humorous photo of helpless young child AND the flightdeck of an airliner has the same effect on some people…

Remember in “Airplane”, Captain Oveur asks, “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”

It’s a rare sickness seen in some pilots and aviation enthusiasts…

(I’m just “kidding” JR - literally).

Well, to a point* actually, yes.

This was yet another reference to a python sketch (thought you Jhem might catch it, though it was opaque to the point of transparency). Popular as this jest has always been, however, it cannot compare with the ribbled connotations associated with the dispatch of an edible missile. The “script” linked here has spelt it wrong. This is perhaps one of my very favorite Python bits - it actually predates Python, and was performed by Chapman (and Palin, I belive) whilst still a gradute student studying medicine.

*At the point the FBI would be interested in ribald pictures about a child, most diffently not. And may I add, yuck.

Funny Joke…

An Australian Outback pilot was flying the “Flying Doctor” to one of his many routine village runs, when all of a sudden he heard the doctor exclaim…" Oh my goodness! That propeller is standing still out there on the wing."

“Standard procedure…” the pilot responded.

“For what?” asked the doctor.

“Well I couldn’t get it started today, so I just made sure that I feathered the prop to reduce drag, and took off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked the doctor.

“Well I figured it would be better if you didn’t know”, replied the pilot.

At their destination the pilot was horrified to find out that he was the “midwife” for the doctor during child delivery.

Part way through labor and delivery, the doctor, sweating and stressed shouted to the pilot…“get me a bird and bring me the feathers!”

Confused the pilot produced the feathers for the doctor.

The doctor bent down and began…

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Well”, said the doctor, “I’m feathering the ‘exit’ to reduce drag!”

Yes, it most certainly was transparent, even to an ancient Python fan such as me.

I have to tell you that your initial statement gave me…

Let me also share with you the fact that I appreciate the definitive “yuck” in your reply.

(Yes, I love a good pun. I love BAD ones even more! In fact I once wrote ten puns to enter into a contest for the best pun, hoping that one of them would win the grand prize. But, no pun in ten did!)