My packages saythere’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with them talking to me! In fact, I should be honored that they do talk to me.
They are…
(Sorry - have to go. Being called by my package)
What can Brown do for you? 
Let’s leave my package out of this!
Uhhhhhhh… Houston… We have a problem…
Is that the same as nature calling you?
- INSERT JOKE ABOUT PACKAGE SIZE HERE - ]
Note to self… Testosterone + the word “Package” = Degenerative thread hijacking. 
Alright… I left the door hangin’ W I D E open with that, and I’ve given you ALL plenty of time! NOBODY took the ball and ran with it:
THE "JOKE" IS ON YOU, NEEDLED...
Buh-dum-bump…
GEEZ - It’s like I have to do EVERYTHING around here 