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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:15 am 
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JWATERS - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2006 10:00 am
Posts: 28
Thats funny:)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:17 am 
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jschneider - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 10:00 pm
Posts: 120
Location: ksln
Why airplanes are better than wives:

Airplanes have strict weight and balance requirements

Airplanes dont care how many airplanes you have flown

Airplanes dont mind if you look at other airplanes or buy airplane magazines

Airplanes are cheaper in the long run

Airplanes can be turned on with the flick of a switch

Airplanes will kill you quick women take their time

Airplanes come with manuals

Airplanes wont get mad if you fly your friends airplane

Airplanes dont care if you're late

Airplanes dont make you wear a rain coat before entering


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:50 pm 
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wheelz - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 9:00 pm
Posts: 1
As a Passenger Service Agent for a small regional carrier, we have quite a bit of interaction with our pilots; which gives us a lot of opportunities to mock them, of course. These are a few of the good ones:

Q: What do pilots use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q:How many pilots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, 'cause the world revolves around him.

Q: How do you know if there is a pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What does a pilot say on a first date?
A: Enough about me, let's talk about planes!

And my personal favourite:
Q: What's the difference between a pilot and a turbine engine?
A: The engine stops whining when it pulls up to the gate.
:lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:42 am 
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cel42334 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:00 pm
Posts: 16
Location: KGYB
Overheard on Huntsville (KUTS) Unicom:

King Air: "Huntsville Unicom weather report"

Unicom: "Winds are...and it's raining cats and dogs."

King Air: "Rats."

Unicom: "No rats, just cats and dogs."

:lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 10:06 am 
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diverseltd - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2007 12:00 pm
Posts: 3
Very funny stuff guys I like the cartoon with the mountain goat in the clouds. But even more funny ATC's funny comments.
Whatever happened with that airchina flight did the 150 skip off the wing or something or was it fatal?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:50 pm 
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Flyingmartian1 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 94
Location: GMU
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it was just a joke. Didn't really happen.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:41 pm 
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damiross - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:00 pm
Posts: 7267
Flyingmartian1 wrote:
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it was just a joke. Didn't really happen.

I'm glad you could understand what he was saying.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:25 pm 
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Falcon1 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:00 pm
Posts: 87
Well this is not the funniest thing in the world but I did get a little chuckle as I read this NOTAM.

USD 08/046 DTW ST CLAIR TWO SID:
PISTN TRANSITION FOR USE BY JETS ONLY


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:28 pm 
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NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
CAFlier wrote:

A Mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window)
turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big
cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said,
"Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes
because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to
you."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 6:55 pm 
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jgona - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:00 pm
Posts: 1038
NeedleNose wrote:
CAFlier wrote:

A Mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window)
turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big
cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said,
"Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes
because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to
you."


Ha Ha!

Maybe its because Southwest has some common sense dom


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 Post subject: you want to hear something strange, check this out....
PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:39 pm 
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rich421 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:00 pm
Posts: 11
Location: KTTN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2z0ZwI4bwE


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:47 pm 
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flyboy97222 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:00 pm
Posts: 2684
Location: Sunny South Florida
Pilot- I'm fu*cking bored...

Memphis center- WHO SAID THAT?

Pilot- I said I'm Fu*king bored, not F*cking stupid


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:43 am 
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mrhelio - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 132
Location: KOSH
Fella walks into the Airport Terminal and sets 3 suit cases on the check-in and says.."I'd like the first two to go to Denver and the third to go to Seattle"

Ticket gal says..."I'm sorry sir, but we cannot do that"

"Why not?"......"You did it last time!!"


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 11:55 am 
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jhoyda - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2007 7:00 pm
Posts: 5
On a flight from Myrtle Beach to Atlanta I heard with my own ears the following:

Capt: Ladies and gentleman we are approaching the Atlanta Airport. We are just passing the town of Wedlock. Our flight attendent Jan was born just outside of town.

That poor FA got so red!


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 Post subject: Chinese Students
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 2:44 pm 
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heckler45 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:00 am
Posts: 3
This is a true story from an aviation school in Orlando, FL. This school contracts with China and the majority of the students show up barely understanding the English language. All of these students are housed at and apratment complex called "Sanford Landings".

One day a Chinese student contacts Orlando Approach. Do your best to read this with the imagination of your best Oriental accent.

Pilot: "Orlando Approach Connection 600, with Request"

Approach "Connection 600 squawk 3547"

Pilot: "Squawk 3547, Connection 600"

Approach: "Connection 600, radar contact cleared into Class Bravo say request"

Pilot: "Request Monroe Arrival, Connection 600"

Approach: "Connection 600, Monroe Arrival approved, verify you have "Hotel"

Pilot: "No sir, no Hotel, I stay at Sanford Landing, Connection 600"

DADUM DUM DUM!


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 Post subject: Re: Chinese Students
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 2:57 pm 
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NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
Funny!! :lol:

heckler45 wrote:
Do your best to read this with the imagination of your best Oriental accent.

Orrando Approach - I stay at Sanford Randing.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 3:03 pm 
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heckler45 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:00 am
Posts: 3
That's about what it sounded like....


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 5:40 pm 
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flyboy97222 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:00 pm
Posts: 2684
Location: Sunny South Florida
Subject: Emergency Landing
Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:35:30 -0700

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started, and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Massachusetts because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the beach house this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.



She was very lucky.





















Image


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 5:43 pm 
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NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
flyboy97222 wrote:
Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

Now THAT is FUNNY!!! :lol:


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 Post subject: joke
PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 9:05 pm 
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Pkm188 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 7:00 pm
Posts: 179
Location: W Arkansas, KFSM
How many Boeing Technicians does it take to fix a lightbulb? 50.... 1 to install the lightbulb and the other 49 to complain about it.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:03 pm 
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NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
Pilot Rules

Image

Edit: Added "pilot rules" to allow post to be searchable


Last edited by NeedleNose on Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:50 pm 
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gr8pilot1 - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 165
Location: KMIA
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane for a major airline, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal higher education, has ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. That I can recall.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
PS: Aircraft acting funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


Last edited by gr8pilot1 on Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:30 pm 
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TorstenHoff - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:00 pm
Posts: 253
gr8pilot1 wrote:
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.
Since when are UPS planes equipped with Identify Friend or Foe?

Oh, that's right, it's been copied-and-pasted from a (probably also made up) list of gripes and responses by US Air Force pilots/mechanics. I'm not saying you changed the story, just that the story as posted is undoubtedly false.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:21 am 
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NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
Also posted HERE and very recently HERE. :wink:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:39 am 
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FlightAware Member
NeedleNose - FlightAware user avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:00 pm
Posts: 3279
Location: KOKV
gr8pilot1 wrote:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. (I question that statement).

Yeah, I question that statement too since a 15 year-old girl recently flew across the country.

SOURCE

That, plus the fact that I had ZERO hours of college when I first soloed a 152.


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